I was talking to a good friend today after our initial chat about writing mentoring and the conversation turned to chaos and the love machine. No, it’s not a new band name. Though that could work too. What we’re talking about here is love and art.
It’s a phenomenon. A phenomenon that creative types tend to find themselves in.
It goes like this:
Creative type 1 meets creative type 2 and falls in love.
Creative type 2 has some kind of mental disorder or “creative temperament” that causes them to reject creative type 1.
Then to accept and adore them.
Then to reject them.
Then to not be able to live without them.
Then to reject them.
This might result in either creative type abandoning their art in the ensuing chaos that is the connection, disconnection, ecstasy, heartbreak, and every stage in between. Drama is oh so seductive, eh? She/he/they wear silk ties and fishnet stockings. But don’t let them get in the way of your love and art fulfillment.
When the love machine is set to chaos it can be gravely bad for not just your art but also your own mental health.
I’m not saying people with mental disorders don’t deserve love. What I am saying, is that you also deserve sanity, and staying with someone who doesn’t know if they’re up or down is not for the faint-hearted. Chaotic love can even be a block to making art.
I know this because I am someone with a mental disorder. I live with bipolar. I’ve realised over a long time that dating someone who also is up the wall is no good for me. I’m already up the wall. Someone needs to be on the ground where the real-life lives.
What I need is someone who is reliable, grounded, kind, supportive and attractive. If they are creative that is a bonus, not a requirement. That way my crazy energy gets balanced out. I’m also a woman with a lot of yang/active energy so if I go out with a partner who is also yang we could clash. I’m probably best for me to go out with someone who has a more go with the flow energy.
I only know this stuff now because I’m living it. My partner of almost a year is reliable, grounded, kind, supportive, and attractive, plus creative. My life is so much easier and simpler because of this change in the choice of partner. My previous partner was highly creative, unstable, manipulative, unsupportive, and had mood swings. I don’t hate him or anything, in fact, we are still friends, but he’s not the right personality type for me to date, so it was a disaster. It also had severe negative effects on my mental state and my life.
What kind of people do you date? Are you in a state of serenity or chaos? That will tell you. What is your love and art quotient?
- Love is not meant to be difficult all the time.
- You don’t need to be fighting every week.
- You don’t need to feel rejected and misunderstood.
- You can be loved for exactly who you are, right now.
My friend was asking how do I change the pattern of choosing the wrong person all the time?
It’s like you’ve got a love machine that’s set to seek out all the wrong people.
How does that love machine work?
Well, you get what you expect.
So, it’s about your beliefs.
So ask yourself:
Why Do I Keep Attracting Crazy, Unavailable, Unsupportive, and Rejecting Partners?
Write down your answers to this. It could be illuminating.
Here are mine, for what it’s worth:
- I think true love needs to be dramatic.
- I want to be distracted from my boredom.
- I want to be distracted from my purpose in life.
- Chaotic love is exciting.
- Etc, etc.
Now when you have your answers, you can turn them around into affirmations. For example:
- True love is gentle and sustainable.
- If I am bored, I make my own fun.
- My purpose in life is a fun and rewarding use of my time.
- Chaotic love burns me out. I now attract sustainable, positive relationships.
You can turn any negative beliefs around in this way and create affirmations. Affirmations are great things to say to yourself in the mirror or to write out in your journal every day.
Personally, in all honesty, I didn’t do affirmations in order to find my current partner, because I think on a subconscious level I had already decided to attract a different kind of person to my life. This is because I was so wounded by the last unstable partner I had. So, some part of me went, I’m having nothing like that again. So help me god. I am lucky. But if you are feeling stuck around your love life and if it is interfering with you creating your art, then try putting some intentional beliefs into your love machine. If I ever – god forbid – find myself single again, that is what I will do to find a suitable partner. Because it’s less about what you do out there – go on Tinder, for example – and more about what you do in here – your inner work!
So stop becoming a chaos magnet, and start cultivating some serenity.
You fucking deserve a love that supports your growth and blooming awesomeness.
Till we talk again,
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Want to Read More?
Read the Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Poetry here.
Unleash your creativity with this rethink of the creative process.
Or, read 33 personal definitions of poetry from writers I know.
You also might like to know these 3 Habits That Will Make You A Better Writer!